I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
