tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
