apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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