Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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