I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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