He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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