either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
