I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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