Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
