After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
