I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
