does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
