What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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