I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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