Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
