I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
