just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
