My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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