Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
