Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How naked do you want me to be?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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