Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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