im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
