dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
