spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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