He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
love makes seman taste better
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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