I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
