she told me i tasted like america
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
