So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize