Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wear drunk well.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
