She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
