Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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