i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
