This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
