Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
