Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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