there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
