Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
