Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
