Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
