I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
