i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
