Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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