god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize