put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
