He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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