Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
