Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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