I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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