I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's get the cat blown out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
