I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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