i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
