I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
