If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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