...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize