If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize