She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
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