My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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