The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't turn off my feet"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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