Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
