I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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