no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
FUCK WHALES
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
