someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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