Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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