im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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