I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
