you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
