I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
