the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We are two peas in an std pod
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
