She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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