I seem to have left my pride at pride
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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