What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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