someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
