Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
