Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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