I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
