My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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