Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
