She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
