I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
